Dark Shadows

In the shadows of the moon our sins reveal themselves. The darkness presents the illusion of safety, allowing us to be ourselves; to let loose that which we keep caged up inside. We dream our biggest dreams in the night.

Phin was no different from anyone else. Bored by his lack of engagement during the day, he took to the streets at night. He roamed the city, from neon awning to neon awning in search of his true self.

This self was the one he dreamt about during the day. The one who was smooth in his conversations, tough in his walk and talk, with an income that put nothing beyond the reach of his grasp – someone people were interested in.

Every night he strutted through the city, shoulders back, king of his world. Confident that around the next corner, at the next bar, he’d find the culmination of his dreams.

With his head back, looking up at the stars, he failed to notice those with no time to dream, watching him from the shadows, their desperate eyes waiting for the right moment to strike.

On a dark night with no moon, when the blackness was its own shadow, they struck. Phin was pulled into a dark alley. They knew enough to avoid the head, but their pipes and kicks danced a hard number across his torso. 

Their agile fingers whispered through his pockets, taking what little was there. Their anger roused by his lack of substance their boots rained down on him again. 

Even if he could have moved, he would not have. He stared up at the darkness and thought about how now someone would be interested in him. Police or medics, it didn’t matter. He’d tell them little. That would keep them on the hook. He smiled.

Share

What the Mind Sees

silver and gray dance
in the quiet light of the mirror,
leaving their mark
in more spots than before;
eyes are fading,
a gentle blue
moving to weathered gray;
cares of a lifetime
have left their marks
in the trenches of the forehead's lines;

this is not the image
alive in the mind;
life remains there,
vibrant dreams cry out to be realized,
there is a desire to live,
to not give in to time,
to carry on;

find a way to change,
to keep going,
to feed the life
of the mind
Share

Around or Through

Everyone he talked to said things would get better in time. If he just waited another day, another week, another month, maybe in a year. He held on. It was all he knew how to do. 

He’d spent too much of his life dancing around his problems. Time wasn’t a renewable resource. That lesson had hit home in his 30s. He was done wasting it. Now he went through his challenges.

This was different. It wasn’t outside him. It was within. It was eating away at his insides. No one knew. He didn’t want anyone to feel bad. Pity would destroy the strength he kept calling upon.

Everyone who told him things would get better, thought he was just like them: unhappy with his work, disenchanted with the struggle to make ends meet or upset by the state of the world. He was all those things too, but what was consuming him made those problems pale in comparison.

He’d grown up in a family of hearty souls. They took what was before them, accepted it as what it was and made the best of it, carrying on. 

In his 20s he’d moved away from that mindset. In truth, he’d never known he had it. Somewhere in that decade he’d thought he could avoid his problems. If he ignored them – or gave them a wide berth – he might avoid them.

One morning time slapped him in the face as he stared at the reflection in his mirror. The soft, sleep deprived face staring back at him showed patches of gray; the face of a stranger. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked closer. He didn’t recognize himself. He thought about his life. Wondered where the gray had come from, wondered if his life had had any meaning.

Over the course of the morning he looked back and saw how empty he was. How he’d thrown relationships away by running from their challenges. How little that had left him with. He felt like a shell. In that moment, he determined to change. To take life head on and do his best to live it, no matter what came his way. He’d done that. He’d changed. Life was better.

But now this.

Ever since that morning, he’d always looked for a way through; was always confident he’d get to the other side. Today, in his current state, he wasn’t so certain. 

He sat upon the bridge, legs dangling into the nothing below. The river looked calm, inviting. He thought about peace.

The world was waking up. Cars rumbled by behind him. The sun was beginning to burn up the horizon. He’d need to decide soon: around or through.

Share